Who's it fair to anyway? Family court bureaucracy... a story that must be told.

At the beginning when the thought of leaving my spouse came to mind I felt a sense of peace. I knew that he wouldn't make a mess out of things and I knew that custody was a non-issue. Or so I thought. I would be inconveniently shocked out of my routine life to see that my ex was not the man I married. No, actually I think he was the man that I married it's just that I had blinders on for over a decade. I didn't want to see it so I choose to ignore the obvious. My strong feeling is that most women do this because they are far more critical of themselves then they are of their spouse.

I ponder in my mind what might have been if I had left years ago before the children, or if I had never married him at all. Better yet that I left him that heart breaking night when he made the critical error of insulting my family and making me look like a fool. Should I have listened to the pleas from close friends who felt he was all wrong for me. Unfortunately we all have the what if's in our lives. How would one know that a relationship would soon turn 2 people who at one time or another loved each other, had children with each other, went through the good and bad together would end up at each others throat. For what? The house? The cars? The dog/cat? No, the children.

Believe me I've sat in court rooms where it was in fact 2 hours spent bickering over a BMW or a Benz. Silly to me really, but it was obvious that for them this is something really worth fighting in court about. I wonder if I was a judge I would feel the same about people fighting over materialistic things. Sure a car is a necessity but when you net worth is in the millions does fighting over one car really mean you need that car? Or are you in fact just trying to annoy the dickens out of your ex just for the fun of it? For many (like me) having nothing left in life but ones children makes fighting over anything else absolutely ridiculous. Then again this is me with my own story and their story can be drastically different so who am I to judge the importance.

I never in a million years thought that I would be where I am now fighting to get my children back. This is not a game. There is no winner or loser. No, there are children caught in the middle of 2 parents who obviously love them very much yet have 2 very different agendas. What do I mean?

In my own situation as well as others the father was never actual after custody of the children. Usually men are very content with the kids living with mom and having visitation. It's a tough job and the majority of mothers have the natural instinct of being a nurturing mother. Men with their head on straight know this and are cooperative. The underlying issue for the ex-husband is always about her... the ex-wife. At times it's revenge, angry, payback, mental instability, controlling/manipulative characteristics, but whatever it is it all comes down to the ex-wife. Especially when she has left him. How dare you leave him as he is the perfect man with zero flaws. Yes they at some point no matter what wrong they did in their marriage believe they are the best thing out there and you are an absolute fool for leaving him.

With that said there are some really great men out there obviously. I am talking about a group of men who make foolish decisions based on the wrong reasons. Their own anger guides them not their best judgement.

I have a theory about why men go coocoo when custody becomes an issue. The can't see straight and they see you as the ex-wife NOT the mother of their children. Their reactions are filled with anger and they become obsessed with teaching you a lesson. It could also be that men get comfortable and dislike any change. No longer is their wife there to run everything smoothly each day while he goes to work.

Finally we know that any ex-husband who knows in his heart how great a mother she is and how much she loves the children will use it to his advantage to manipulate her life. The children are used as a tool which is so unfortunate. Again, it has nothing in the end to do with the children... it's all about you.

So if you are in the midst of a custody issue what do you believe is his true reason for his actions in trying to take the kids?