Losing Custody Because She Has Cancer

MAY 12, 2011, 2:21 PM
Losing Custody Because She Has Cancer

By LISA BELKIN

King Solomon’s choice was easy compared with the one faced by the North Carolina judge Nancy E. Gordon. The custody dispute before her recently was between Alaina Giordano and her ex-husband, Kane Snyder, and the fight was over whether their children — 11-year-old Sofia and 5-year-old Bud — should live with their mother, in Durham, or their father, in Chicago.

Ms. Giordano, a freelance writer and editor, has been fighting Stage 4 breast cancer for four and a half years now, and while it has metastasized to her bones, court records show that her monthly treatments have kept her condition “stable and not progressing.” Mr. Snyder, who was divorced from Ms. Giordano after her diagnosis, recently moved away from his family to take a job as an executive at Sears Holding, Inc. He asked the court to grant him sole custody, arguing that he was the parent with a paycheck, and that his ex was too sick — and her future too uncertain — for the children to stay with her. She accused him of being abusive and unfaithful during their marriage, and says that sending the children to Chicago would deprive her of her kids when she most needs them, would separate her children from her at a time when they most need her, and would discriminate against her because she has cancer.

Two weeks ago, Judge Gordon ruled in favor of Mr. Snyder. Since then the case has been building to a full social media boil. Ms. Giordano has started a blog. There is a Facebook page, “Alaina Giordano Should Not Lose Her Kids Because She Has Breast Cancer”, with over 12,000 members. Ms. Giordano’s sister has created an online petition, “Do Not Allow NC Judge to Take Alaina Giordano’s Children Just Because She Has Cancer,” that has more than 10,000 signatures. A newer petition, “Throw North Carolina Judge Nancy Gordon Off the Bench,” had nearly 500 last I checked.

The breast cancer and women-blogger communities have rallied behind Ms. Giordano, arguing that if the case stands, and the children are sent to live with their father on June 17, it will set a precedent that a breast cancer diagnosis can be grounds for losing custody. Legal scholars have stepped in, noting that the physical and emotional health of a parent has always been a factor used by courts in making these decisions.

Couldn’t Mr. Snyder simply move back to North Carolina so the children could remain with their mother but have him be more of a consistent presence in their lives, fostering familiarity that will be comforting should Ms. Giordano’s health decline?

He says no. Not given the unemployment rate in the current economy.

Could Ms. Giordano move to Chicago? That is what the judge suggested in her ruling, but anyone who proposes this option has never been treated for cancer, argues Emily Cousins, in an essay on yesterday’s Huffington Post:

Theoretically, Ms. Giordano could also relocate to Chicago, but in her interview with Matt Lauer, she explained that her Stage IV disease is being held in check thanks to the incredible medical team she has found at Duke University.

Think of the inconvenience you might have felt when your insurance company made you switch dentists or therapists. Now imagine you had to leave the group of doctors who are literally keeping you alive. Cancer patients develop deep bonds with the people who guide us through the minefield of treatment options, side effects, and recurrences. I referred to my team of oncologists and surgeons as “the mothership,” and I refused to move away from them for five years after my diagnosis. I only felt safe leaving them then because my disease had not spread like Giordano’s has.

So he won’t/can’t move here, she won’t/can’t move there, and the children face the possibility of living with their ill mother until, heaven forbid, she passes away, when they will be sent to their father who they no longer really know, OR being yanked from their mother now, which will probably feel like abandoning her, so they can worry about her health from hundreds of miles away.

Not even “cutting the baby in half” would solve this one.

What is a judge to do?